I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
