This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize