I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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