I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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