My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
