Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Sext me about skeletons
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
