worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
