do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
