I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
The feeling are messing with the penis
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
