I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Too much gin, very little bucket
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
