i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
