So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Randomize
