There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
