I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
