Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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