I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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