and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
