i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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