woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
