It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
