Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
