Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
