I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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