Only a mothe r could love this liver
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
