i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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