how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
