Apparently you make a good broom.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
