): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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