Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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