I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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