Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
