is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
