I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
