Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
