I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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