i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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