she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
