1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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