She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
