Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Pants are for mortals
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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