come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
