pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
