census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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