She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
