That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
