Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I queefed so loud it echoed.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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