Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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