So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
