I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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