I need to stop coming to work sober
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
